27 and still struggling

For a few years now, my everyday routine has been the same. Wake up, go to work, sit for 8 hours, render overtime, go home. *insert ‘eat’ in between every activity*

It has been 4 years since I opted to switch careers. I moved from the medical field to the BPO industry for practicality reasons. For 4 years already (and counting), I let myself be succumed to this desk job. I kept on reminding myself that I can handle this. That I can survive being a corporate slave. I forced myself to believe that I can.

During the years of payroll work, I found myself engaging in different non-work activities in the office such as organizing events and writing for the Communications Team. I was mostly involved in Employee Engagement Teams and I honestly enjoy being part of it, regardless of the pressure it brings.

Little by little, I’m starting to realize what I really want to do. I want to work, but I want a job that I love doing. My mom and I would always debate on this part. But, I guess it’ll be a never-ending arguement with her. 

She told me that it’s not about what I want to do, it’s where I’ll earn money. That I should just stay wherever I am and strive to become better in that field because it will pay off in time. I understand her statement, but I don’t think she sees how grieved I am for not being able to pursue what I want to do with my life.

I want to travel. I want to write. I want to cook. That’s 3 major things that I am sure I want to do. That I’d be happy to do them and earn because of them. I’d like to have that job that doesn’t seem like a job at all. A job that wouldn’t make me want to go on a vacation, because I love what I do. A job that has a feeling of fulfillment. A job that doesn’t kill the life inside.

But yes, practicality kicks in. While I am trying my best to balance things out and make things work simultaneously, the struggle is real.

Adulthood is difficult not because of the bills and the responsibilities, it is because of the struggle inside when you’re doing something different from what you really love. I know there are a lot of people who figured out what they wanted to become at an early age and there are those who didn’t know they wanted to do something until they’ve reached their 50s. At the age of 27, I now know what I want. I guess what I need right now, are prayers. Prayers that I may find the strength and the courage to do what I want. Prayers for both physical and emotional strength. Prayers for a strong heart and a hard-core commitment to fight for what I want, without abandoning the responsibilities I carry. Prayers. It makes a lot of difference.

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